A living hell
The rage,
Fury,
Anguish,
Ire,
I feel like punching you in the face,
No,
I feel like kicking you down there,
I feel like cursing you,
I hope you won't get a happy marriage,
I want to curse you till death,
I want to hex you.
Cast a spell on you,
So that you'll be good for the rest of your life.
This is the first time,
In my entire life,
For i live for the past 18 and 12 months,
This is by far the worst guy I've met,
How in the world,
Can a guy be so self-centered,
So arrogant,
So stubborn!
Ohhhmmmyyygggggeerrrddd,
Why does he even exist!
It's such a waste!
What a dump!
Piece of useless crap!
My heart tells me to keep the crap,
Bury the anger deep within,
But my willpower can't stand it anymore,
I going to burst any second right now,
My mind tells me to keep it calm,
My natural response shows it all,
I couldn't even manipulate my own feelings,
I'm going haywire.
I hope your girlfriend would change you,
How can she even choose you,
Is she blind?
I know,
I understand,
She's blinded by love,
Because love taught us to love each other,
Love each others flaws.
But how could he take advantage of me?!
How could he even have courage to open his filthy mouth,
To even speak a word of disgust!
To even dwell under the same roof as me,
I sickened by the fact that i even know you,
Every morning when i hear your voice,
I could just puke in front of your face,
Oops, at your face!
Every time i swallow that gulp of anger,
The rage and fury that burns through my veins,
The effort i need to put in to calm myself down,
The amount of energy i take in,
Every breathe i swallow,
I try to keep myself calm.
But each day i wake up,
Facing the revolting presence of you,
I feel like my life ain't worth all this,
Yes, you're older,
Yes, you have a job,
Yes, you have a girlfriend,
But what rights do you have to do such things.
I don't care if you drink,
i don't care if you smoke,
I don't care if you fuck any girls out there,
I don't care if you are homeless,
I don't care if you are poor,
But i can't keep it to myself,
When you do this to me,
I can't stand it anymore,
I give a damn about this!
I am Fucking serious!
I want to shout,
i want scream,
I want to scold you, right in your face,
I want payback,
I want you to know that we girls are not slaves.
WE ain't born for you!
We girls are not your slaves!
I want to use a razor,
A dagger,
To just pierce through you're throat,
And slowly hear you scream for mercy,
Smelling that fragrant taste of blood,
Drip by drip it flows down your chest.
How could you!
I am not your slave,
I am not a child,
You don't even wanna know,
You don't even wanna taste,
You don't even wanna feel,
You just wish you never met me,
Cause i will make your life a living hell.
Disgusted!
Sickened!
Not once,
not twice,
but a million times
How could him?!
He asked me to call him "Ke" (brother)
He asked me to wash the dishes,
He asked me to mop the floor,
He asked me to dry his clothes,
He asked me to take out his trash,
He asked me to entertain his girl friends,
He asked me to make 10 sandwiches for his colleague,
He asked me to bake a cake for his friend,
He ask me to cook dinner for him,
He expects me to clean up his vomit,
He expects me to make chicken soup for him when he is sick,
He expects me to wash the car for him,
He expects me to clean the bathroom for him,
He expects me to cover his duty to clean up the house,
He blames everything on me,
When anything goes wrong,
And the worst part is he lies to the entire world,
He lied that he woke up at 5 in the morning,
just to make 10 sandwiches for his colleague.
And who flippin sleeps at 930pm?!
Asking me to keep it down?!
Oh! please! i have a life too!
That's just the physical abusive part,
I can't even tell you about the mental abuse i had,
Recalling it even makes me wanna cry.
It's unacceptable,
I am a grown lady,
I am a human too,
I'm not a kid,
I have a life,
What rights do you have to say,
That i'm too young to know these things?
What rights do you have to say i am fat?
You don't even know my diet plan,
You don't even know how to take care of yourself,
You don't even know how good am i!
Oh, i'm just a kid to you!
Pfffttt!
I could fuck u till your dick can't even stand anymore,
I could rip your penis off and not giving you even a chance to have the ability to make love anymore,
I could just use a scalpel and carve my name on your ass,
I could tie you up and scrape you're balls out,
I could pierce your nipples till you can feel the pain.
I want to make you suffer!
I want to show you that i am not the person you wanna mess with.
Beware! I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
Till the day you apologize,
Till the day you repay me,
Till the day you die,
I'll empty your grave,
Pretending that you didn't even came into this world,
Making sure,
You'll repay the debt you owe me,
Bringing this to your grave.
Haunting you for the rest of your life.
♥
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♥
ღ Saturday, May 4, 2013 ; 3:36 AM
ღ
What's the meaning of all this?
i wake up everyday,
asking myself why am i here?
whenever i open my eyes,
seeing light once again,
i ask myself,
What day is today?
what should i eat?
What should i do?
Doesn't that bother you,
that all of a sudden in life,
you really don't really know what to do!
It seems to me like life is dull,
A complete blackout,
A dream,
An illusion.
Flashing back those memories,
I still can vividly remember,
The time when everything come to my senses,
When everything makes sense to me,
When i see life differently.
But now i'm stuck,
i think i'm lost,
The little lamb has lost it's way,
How could this happen to me?
i always have a aimed goal in my life,
I used to know what i was doing,
I used to know the meaning of life,
But why do i feel so empty inside?
Why do i feel like something is missing,
It's like an unsolved puzzle,
An unwritten book,
A Half eaten apple.
Something ain't complete?
I'm really really lost in life right now..
Where's everything that meant to me?
Where has my passion gone?
Where's the Racheal i know?
Where am i?
Maybe it's because i lost her,
The most important person in my life.
i think i should just scratch off the maybe,
I am pretty sure it's her,
I miss her,
I couldn't bare the fact that my life is grey,
All i could see is nothing,
All i could feel is numb,
Where's my blood?
Why is it so cold?
Still trying to get over the fact that she's gone,
But i'm trying so hard to move on,
Eventually i can't,
I'm still trap in this unending tracks,
Figuring out which way should i go,
Or even if there's a way out...
Stranded on an island,
all there's left,
is only,
a bow,
and an arrow.
♥
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♥
ღ Tuesday, April 23, 2013 ; 10:02 PM
ღ
Surviving life
You see,
You can't define life,
Everyone lives a different life of their own,
We are different in each way,
Each of us have our own stories to tell.
You can't just judge anyone like that,
You have no rights to do so,
You own your life, yes it's true,
But you don't own mine,
You're not supposed to control mine,
I am the one who is responsible for my own actions.
Maybe it's the age gap,
Or we're just incompatible,
Or maybe you look down on me,
Or maybe you're just too snobbish,
I don't really understand,
How can you do this to someone?
Maybe you think that i'm just a child,
But i'm not,
In your eyes,
i'm Just a little girl to you?
Playing game and joking around?
No, i'm not.
I'm a normal human being too.
I live my life,
I breathe, like you do,
Everything you do,
I do too.
In spite of our differences,
It makes no sense that you can look down on me,
It's not logical,
Emotionally, it hurts me from deep within,
The grieves that sinks deep into my heart,
Taking those harsh words,
Bringing it everywhere i go,
Slowly drifting down into the bottom of my heart.
Even though,
You had more days in your life compared to mine,
It still doesn't give you the rights to do this,
Even though,
You are much more wiser than me,
It still doesn't complement the fact that you can judge me,
Even though,
You've gone through more than me,
It still doesn't add to the fact that you can look down on me.
There's so many ups and downs in life,
I truly am devastated by it,
Life is just like coffee,
They're times that it's so sweet like sugar,
The joy overflowing through my veins,
And they're time of sorrow and weeps,
So bitter till hurts from deep within,
Gasping for air just like coking from coffee powder,
Barely breathing,
What suffering, What tragedy,
The Horror,
The state on being in shock.
A cup of coffee,
A sip of coffee,
When it flows in your mouth,
It tells the story of life,
So sweet yet so bitter.
Life,
Through all the days and nights,
Trying so hard to start over,
Facing all the trials in life,
Learn to fall,
And stand back up on my own feet,
It molds you,
It shapes you into who you are today,
Bringing you out of your comfort zone,
Challenging you all steps in life.
Trust,
Truth,
Honesty,
Completely blinded,
It keeps haunting me,
Flashbacks,
It keeps my mind preoccupied,
It's like the feeling of death,
My innocence, Gone,
My dignity, Ruined,
My confidence,
My self esteem,
Scattered.
Holding back,
Trying to be strong,
Smiling and covering up the pain,
Bothered yet uneasy,
Dwelling in such agony everyday.
I'm like a battle zone,
Firing grenades,
Shooting bullets everywhere,
Overcoming the fact of life,
Sometimes in life,
There're moments of torment,
Where someone just pop out from a country,
And tell you her love story,
And asks to bake a cake for her,
Is this a called for pithiness from me,
Or it's just pity she wants?
A phantom is creeping in the night,
Watching me through my window,
Sitting next to me,
Gazing upon me,
All i can see was his shadows,
Recalling the past,
But i can't.
When everything gets rough,
When not a single thing make sense in life,
There's always that breaking point,
Where someone will cheer you up,
That someone will come into your life,
And make life worth living for,
How wonderful,mesmerizing, grateful i am,
Thank you Sam&Chris from MKR!
Love you guys
♥
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♥
My name is rac heal
